unhalofandomcom-20200214-history
Great Covenant Book of Jokes/Archive 1
This is an archive of older jokes in the Great Covenant Book of Jokes. Jokes Truth: Knock Knock. Elite: Who's there? Truth: Ivan. Elite: Ivan who? Truth: Ivan enormous snake in my pocket. Elite: ... Truth: He does not laugh EXECUTE HIM! ---- Truth: What do you call a Human? Brute: I don't know. What do you call a Human? Truth: Vermin! Human: Arrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhh....... Truth is shot twice by a rocket launcher, run over by a Scorpion tank, and blown up by a fag grenade. ---- J'sta: Knock knock. Truth: Who's there? Humans: Didint we just kill him? Truth: J'sta who? J'sta: J'sta Friendee. Truth: Don't dawdle, come in then. J'sta then kills truth ---- Truth: How many Grunts does it take to screw a light bulb? 343 Guilty Spark: What? Arbiter: One, to ask a mighty Elite to do it. Truth: No! Five, they all stand on each other's heads. Arbiter: Were it so easy... ---- Truth: Knock knock. Mercy: Who's there? Truth: Chester. Regret: Chester who? Truth: Chester minute, don't you know who I am? Mercy and Regret: Fuck you truth. ---- Truth: What do you call a group of 5 or more Hunters? Johnson: A lot of worms in cans? Truth: No, your death.hahahahahycoughwheezehahahahgagshahhhh. ---- Truth: What do you call an Elite cookie that's not in the Covenant? Tartar Sauce: *sigh* What? Truth: A cook. Tartar Sauce: Lame. Truth: EXECUTE HIM!!!!!!!!!! ---- Truth: What do you call a Greek Spartan? Arbiter: A gladiator? Truth: No, a Greek Spartan! AHAAHHAOHAOHOOHHOAHAIoihaaAHIOHAIOAIH!! Arbiter: Kill me, or release me, but do not waste my time not with jokes. Random Brute: What jokes? ---- Truth: Knock kno- Johnson: Wait, why are you telling all the jokes here? Arbiter: If they qualify as jokes. Grunt:'''Oh no you didn't. ---- '''Truth: Arbiter, you are a loser. Arbiter: Rtas 'Vadumee is a bigger loser!! HE lost the infinite sucker!! Rtas 'Vadumee: ASSHOLE!!!!!! Truth: And you lost Halo. Arbiter: :( Tartar Sauce: "cough" owned. Arbiter: '''Oh yeah you lost High Charity. '''Truth: '''FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. ---- '''Truth: What do you call a stupid loser? Mercy: I don't know. What? Truth: "Regret". Regret: FUCK YOU TRUTH!!!! Regret then shoots 'Truth with ''10 ''rockets,100 needles,and 100 shotgun shells. ---- Truth: How many Grunts does it take to screw in a light bulb? 343 Guilty Spark: According to your previous answer to this incorrect scenario, "5". Truth: No, one to go ask a mighty Brute to do it. Arbiter: And so, you must be silenced. Arbiter stabs Truth with his Death Stick. ---- Truth: How many Grunts does it take to screw in a light bulb? Arbiter: I don't really care, Prophet Truth: If it's 343 Guilty Spark, none! He's already screwed up! Hahahahhahaah!!! Eyeball 3000 shoots Truth with his wanna-be Spartan Laser. Arbiter shoots Truth with a Carbine until it misfires and blasts the eye of Robot's dick out. 343 Guilty Spark: FUCK YOU ARBITER!!!! ---- Truth: What do you call a giant Human in green armor? Brute: I don't know, great hierarch. What is the answer? Truth: I don't know you buffoon! That's why I asked you. Grunt Demon. Ahh! Truth Ooops. ---- Truth: What is in the middle of "The Great Journey"? Brute: *gulp*Once we arrive, you will be*prays to god he is right*. Truth: No you imbecile! It's a "t".EXECUTE HIM!!!!! ---- Truth: Why did MB cross the road? Brute: Why are you using forum speak? Truth: To JOIN the other side! HAHAHAHA... KILL HIM! ---- Truth: Why Caboose is the most bad ass character? Johnson: Why you little! Imma the most bad-ass character! chokes Truth. Truth: I *erghh* just want *arghh* the answ- *arghhh herghh ahh kill*erghhh*him* ---- Master Chief: Haha! I shall now throw dust in your eyes! Marine: Damn you! I can't see! D'am-U 'Icantsee: Yes? ---- Truth: How many grunts does it take to screw in a light bulb? Arbiter: According to the last time you made this joke - "1". Truth: Wrong! The answer is "8". One to notice that the bulb needs to be changed, five to stand on each other's heads to unscrew the old one, one to get a new bulb and the last one to call a mighty Brute to screw in the light bulb. Arbiter: Grrrrrr... Arbiter stabs Truth in the same place with his Death Spoon. E'veryone:'YAY!!!!! ---- Truth: How many grunts does it take to screw in a light bulb? Arbiter: Let me guess - "8". Truth: Wrong! The answer is "0". They don't need a light bulb - they can use a flashlight. Arbiter: Arrrrrrggggggg....does anyone have a Plasma Pistol so that I may end these bad excuses of jokes? Random Grunt: We're out of Plasma Pistols - 117 took all of them so that he can sell them on the Black Market to buy a new armour. Arbiter: Next time I'll kill both him and this Prophet of Lame. ---- Zuka 'Zamamee: Hey, D'am-U 'Icantsee. D'am-U 'Icantsee: Excuse me? Excuse 'mee: What, D'am-U? D'am-U 'Icantsee starts brawling with Excuse 'mee. ---- Truth: How many grunts does it take to screw in a light bulb? Arbiter: Let me guess - "0". If its wrong I'm going to rip your tiny head off your body and teabag your head so hard my ass will fall off. 343 Guilty Spark: Please! Let me kill him like I did dat whore . Truth: How many gru-WAIT I KILLED THE WHORE John-117: I'm back with a MJOINR C! Grunt: Oh goodie! Now we can kill him! Brute: Let the Great Journey begin! Truth: AHHH! STOP KILLIN' ME! Everyone kills truth ---- Truth: How many... Arbiter: Wait, wait, wait. Is this another one of those stupid grunt and light bulb jokes? Truth: Well... kinda. Arbiter draws his Energy Sword. Truth: Wait! Can I just say this joke? Arbiter: Fine. But do it quick - the battery of my Energy Sword needs to be recharged. Truth: How many 117s does it take to screw a light bulb? The answer is *drum roll music*... "1". One to contact Cortana to tell her to get into the system and get the old bulb to shine again.Huh?Huh? Arbiter: From all other stupid jokes you made, this was the stupidest. Heck, that's not even funny. I'm getting the fuck out of here. John-117: Grrrr... waves fist ---- Truth: Did anyone notice that I didn't get hurt in the last joke? Truth's chair thingy malfunctions and he shoots straight up through the attic. Truth: Me and my big mouth. In the corner of the room, Chief and Cortana high five. ---- Truth: Again, how many grunts does it take to screw in a light bulb? Master Chief: Your technology is so great, yet you still have light bulbs? Truth: Um, well no... Master Chief: So, as a warning, there is no need for anymore light bulb jokes (I know where live.) Truth: Wait, that gives me an idea! The answer is "0", because we don't use light bulbs! AHAHAHAHAHA! Master Chief: THAT'S IT!!! (activates the rings.) ---- Truth: What do you call a grunt that doesn't scream "yay!" and doesn't shoot confetti from his mouth when given a headshot. Master Chief: I don't know, but the player didn't have the Grunt Birthday Party skull on. Truth: ....What? ---- Truth: Knock knock. Grunt: Who's there? Truth: Boo. Grunt: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! (Faints) Truth: ...oops... Guilty Spark: ...That wasn't supposed to happen.... Truth: ...Shut up lightbulb.... ---- Truth: How many gr- Arbiter stabs Truth. Arbiter:'''Please stay dead! ---- '''Truth: How many gr- Arbiter: Dammit kill that HOE!!!!!! Truth is stabbed several times by a energy sword, run over by a ghost, and blown up into the air by a fuel rod gun ---- Truth: What do you call a grunt eating a french fry? Arbiter: This better not be lame Truth: A joopankifrikag! Hahahahahahahaha! Arbiter: ... That was random. In fact, that doesn't make any sense. Truth Okay, then I'll tell another one. How many gr- Truth is shot several times by a spiker, run over by a banshee and sent flying with a gravity hammer and then a grunt craps all over his face Arbiter: Please stay dead please stay dead. ---- Truth: What birthday present does a prophet give? Master Chief: A shiny new assault rifle that actually does damage? Truth: No, AIDS! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha - uh oh. Truth is shot right in the face by a Splazar, blown up by 1 billion needler shards, and run over by the Pillar of Autumm and another grunt craps all over his face ---- Truth: What do you call a squad of marines? Johnson: A bad-ass? Truth: No, n00bs! Hahahahahahahaha! Squad of marines: Grrrr... Truth: Uh oh...er....BRUTES SAVE ME! HELP! Truth is shot several times by a M6D pistol, run over by a mongoose and given a direct headshot by a sniper rifle and yet another grunt craps on truths face ---- Truth: Why do I taste grunt shit? 3 grunts high five in the corner ---- Truth: What do you call a spartan that can cook? Arbiter: Do I really care? Truth: The Master CHEF!!! HAHAHAHAHA Arbiter: And so you must be sile... wait a minute, that was actually funny. *head asplodes* ---- Truth: Yo mama is so fat that- Brute: Wait, so now you tell Yo momma jokes???? Truth: Yes, i find that yo momma jokes are more funny so Arbitard won't shove death sticks up my ass again. The Arbiter then shoves a death stick up truths ass. Random Grunt: haha! Truth: Excute him!!! Category:Gruntipedia Inside Jokes Category:Prophets